It’s less than 2 days until I go now and I just spent the evening with my dad so he could say goodbye. It was a very strange experience, he was very helpful and encouraging in his own way, it reminded me of when I was younger and he used to console me about the bullying at school even though I never really explained what was going on. I complain about him a lot but he truly does care and want the best for me. It was so sad to say goodbye, even though I’ll only be about 50 miles away 😦 I’ll miss seeing him often, he’s always at his girlfriends house on weekends so it’ll probably be Christmas before I get to see him again. Even he seemed tearful as he left the house, I’m dreading what my mum is going to be like 😦
Something that bothers me more than how much I’ll miss my family is how much they must be expecting of me now. It seems like the time has finally come when I’ll be out from under their feet. They never make me feel like a burden, but I do it to myself. I just imagine I must be a disappointment; still at home after all these years, especially when my mum’s boyfriend has 3 daughters who are the same age or younger than me and have all moved out on their own. I am already 5 years behind where everyone else is and I simply won’t be able to live with myself if I mess things up again. There will be no going back, I can’t face the disappointment and empty life ahead if I cannot cope with university and get a degree. There’s no place for a 23 year old loser who has dropped out twice and has no hope of a job. That will be it.