Went to the doctors this morning. I let my anxiety build up and didn’t try to stop it. My chest was very tight by the time I got in and I think Dr Ripley knew how bad I was. He said the test I completed last time showed that I had depression and mostly anxiety and he prescribed my citalopram which I have to take for 6 months. I was quite pleased about it, hopefully it will make me feel good enough to try and tackle the SA problem. I got the prescription filled myself after psyching myself up for it. Mum was ok about it, although I still feel like she doesn’t want me taking SSRIs. I took my first one after tea and I felt a bit weird about it. My lack of sleep and the massive anxiety I went through earlier probably had something to do with it but I felt light headed and a bit giddy.
After years of worrying and apprehension I finally made it to the doctors today to discuss my anxiety. I was extremely nervous and I had written down my problems as some people who have been through the same thing advised me to do because I was worried about how to talk about it. When I got in there though, he refused to read what I’d written and made me say what was wrong. I froze up and didn’t know how to say it, I feel embarrassed to say these things out loud and I don’t think I managed to get it across to him what I’ve been through.
He gave me a questionnaire to fill in and wrote down the phone number and website of a social anxiety support group and told me to come back in a month. When I got back home I tried the website but it no longer exists, I even tried phoning the number which is a big thing for me because I hate using phones so much but the number was not working either 😦
I feel pretty down about the whole thing, like I’ve spent many years to get to this stage and now I feel like I’ve blown it and the Dr didn’t believe there was anything wrong because I couldn’t say how I feel. I kept worrying that he thought I was making things up to try and get benefits or something and that my problems aren’t important compared to people with physical illness.
I really don’t know what to do now *sigh*