Updated 2nd February 2014

Hello and thanks for reading. As you probably guessed, I have Social Anxiety Disorder (also known as Social Phobia ). It is an apparently common mental disorder but not really known about by most people. It can make life hard in a lot of ways and part of the reason I have decided to collect my thoughts and organise them into this social anxiety blog, originally to try and see how much I could improve as time goes on and maybe encourage others who have the same problem to do something about it. This didn’t last long, however and it is now mainly a place to vent and express my thoughts and feelings that I have no other place to talk about.

The first few posts are collected from a social anxiety social networking site where I originally wrote them in late 2007 to 2008. I decided to put them all together here and keep a journal of my dealings with SA from now on.

If you want to know a bit about me.. I’m in my mid twenties and live in the UK. I’ve had SA since I was 12 or 13 but only sought treatment for it in late 2007. I’ve always been extremely shy, there is a vast difference between shyness and social anxiety.

My life has been hugely affected by my social anxieties and depression which I also suffer from. It forced me to leave university the first time I attempted to get a degree when I was 19 and I floated around unemployed at various times, completed a college course and worked at a job which I hated with every fibre of my being. In 2008 I returned to university and I finally graduated in 2012. This was not an easy undertaking and I lost an entire year because of my mental problems (hence it taking me a year longer than usual to complete it).

In August 2009 everything came to a point where I couldn’t bear things any longer and I made a serious attempt to take my own life. I had to spend quite a long time in hospital as a result of this and it took months for me to feel like I was myself again. Fortunately the suicidal feelings are not as overwhelming as they were back then.

Recently I have not updated this blog as much I would have liked, it is often too much of a mental strain to commit my thoughts to writing, but I’m going to try and post more frequently from now on.


44 thoughts on “About

  1. please don’t take this the wrong way, but do you think your current prescription is really working? After reading your second to the most current post, you still sound very depressed and I would think after 6 months – it should be working better, or maybe you need to try a different one?

    I’ve been “trying out” meds for over 10 years – you deserve to be happy.


  2. high five on citalopram, haha!
    I’ve been taking it for almost 2 years, it’s hardly done anything for me but my psych won’t take me off it just in case I get worse. weird.


  3. Someone Is Here


    I’ve been following your blog for a while. Everything you write about could have quite easily come directly from me. It’s quite eerie.

    I’m sure I’m not going to be the first person to tell you this, but still. I can completely relate to everything you share with us.

    Take care.


  4. yeliz

    hi, to be honest you sound like a very intellegent person and no matter how it seems right now, trust me your not the only one because im going through it aswell im 21 and i really havent gotten anywhere in my life I have tryed going to college to persue my dreams but because of my social phobia i had to give it up. I really think we could help eachother, and I would really be pleased to hear from you my name is Yeliz Alciner search me in facebook then we can talk about it, I hope to hear from you soon and hope you see this message! x x x


  5. yeliz

    I cant believe it, its 4.37am and im still up i havent slept yet, I prefare it at night because everyone is asleep so I dont need to try and connect with someone, trust me if you got to know me you might find that I am even more mentally messed up than you are, but what ever way we are both wanting to end our lives so what can get worse than that! Im even a coward to do it! if i had the guts id proberlly of done it by now. I am going to try and get some sleep now before my mum gets up and questions me!! night and hope you add me on facebook nick so we can have a 1 to 1 chat 😦 all the best x x x


  6. Citalopram

    Hi Nick,

    Just read your last post, and boy can i relate to every word you have so articulately written! (i am 33) I wish everyone who knows could read it, so they can start to understand what it’s like living with Socialy anxiety disorder.
    I was on Citalopram for aproximatley a year, after being taken off seroxat (now banned i think?) which was working quite well for me. The year i was on Citalopram i became extremely depressed and anxious, infact i can say it seemed like a placebo to me, i experienced no positive effect from it whatsoever. That year i did attempt suicide. After that little episode, i was put onto prozac or fuloxetine, which was better.
    If you are experiencing no relief on this medication, get your doctor to put you on something decent. Change your doc if nescessary, seriously, this is your life and although you may not feel like it, it is precious.
    I am on facebook, feel free to add me as i’d like to keep in touch.
    Hang in there, the good times are coming 🙂


  7. elisha7


    Hi Nick,

    Tried to send a message on here earlier but not sure if it was posted, so apologies if i’m repeating myself.
    Just read your last blog and totaly see myself in all you have described, i have been there so many times.
    About 5 years ago i was taken off seroxat (anti depressant and anti anxiety) which was working very well for me, however after alot of controversy surrounding the drug i think it was withdrawn from most practices, i’m not sure it is available now.
    Anyway, my doctor put me on Citalopram. I soon became extremely depressed and anxious, as i was before i was put on any medication. I can say this drug was like a placebo, in that it seemed to have no positive effect on me whatsoever, sadly whist on this drug, i became suicidal and took an overdose.
    I have heard other people say similar things regarding Citalopram.
    After this little episode, my doc put me on prozac, which was better.
    If you feel a change of medication may help you, seriously, don’t delay, get another doc if nescessary, i know you may not feel like it, but your life is precious.
    As for me, i’m glad i didn’t die that night.
    Things do get better, so hang in there 🙂


  8. elisha7

    In retrospect, i would have liked to delete the patronising smiley face, but i see there is no edit option. Bu##er it.
    I Meant to add that there is one book, that is worth mentioning: “The Mythology of Self Worth by Richard L Franklin.”


  9. Thank you for the messages, Elisha. This page is extremely outdated and I really need to update it and make some more posts about what I’ve been doing recently. I’m really sorry that you tried to commit suicide 😦 I don’t know if you read that part of the blog or whether I made it private, but I did the same thing last year and very nearly died so I know how you feel.


  10. elisha7

    Hey Nick,

    Great to hear from you.
    About to make dinner for everyone, but had a bit of a shock recently and thought’s i’d post it on here.
    A couple of weeks back a friend of my dad’s (who i hadn’t met) commited suicide.
    This poor chap actualy put his head on the rail line, and that was the end of him.
    My dad told me that it was a great loss as he was one of the nice’st people he’d met, always asking about others, taking an interest in others ect.
    Recently after the funeral, it emerged that, part of his problem was that, although he was kind and pleasant towards others, he had set extremely high standards for himself. This immediately reminded me of myself. I just thought, ‘wow, that is me’ I am a people pleaser and hate upsetting people, i like to make other people feel better even at my own expense.
    The other thing was, the devastation his suicide had caused his family and his ex-wife and current partner.
    This all made me think. I believe that all people should be respected, only i tend to forget that i am one of those people deserving of respect also.
    Anyway, onto tonights dinner, a healthy salad i think…


  11. elisha7

    Have been researching a chemical that effects the amygdala, a brain area that is important for social interaction. It is a chemical or hormone that occurs naturaly in the body called ‘Oxytocin’ You may or may not have heard about this.
    Some studies have been carried out fairly recently to see the effects that this chemical has on trust in social interactions with quite powerful results.
    I have found this to be very interesting indeed, i will be making an appointment with my doctor to see if this chemical can now be used as a drug in assisting the recovery from social phobia. ( I have found certain anti-depressants to be somewhat helpful for depression but to have little impact on social stress whereas oxytocin is believed to specificaly target this area)
    See: http://www.oxytocin.org/cuddle-hormone/social-phobia.html


    • Hi Elisha, I heard about oxtocin a while ago, wasn’t sure if there are any approved treatments using it though. It’s an interesting area and hopefully there’ll be more development soon.


  12. Madalyn Marcus

    Hello Nick,
    To introduce myself, I am a graduate student at York University in Toronto, Canada. I am also part of a larger research team, Mobilizing Minds (www.mobilizingminds.ca). Would it be possible for me to email you? I have a question which is a bit too long to be posted in this manner.

    Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you.



  13. Hey Nick, I hope you’re doing well. And I hope you come back soon. You’re the inspiration for my blog. You’re one of the reasons why I started writing about my own experiences with social anxiety.


  14. Hey Nick, you don’t know me but I feel like I know you pretty well. I also suffer from severe social phobia / Avoidant Personality Disorder – have had it for almost 20 years. Yes it is THE ABSOLUTE WORST. It’s pretty damn painful – way past the point where you get used to the day-to-day pain and loneliness and isolation and depression and start believing it’s normal to feel this way. Seemed like all the joy was sucked out of my life over the years by constant bullying and psychological abuse in school. I have exactly the same PTSD-like symptoms you have: vastly morbid and and paranoid and exaggerated fearful responses to the presence of other people, difficulty concentrating, distracting and recurring thoughts, andhedonia, dysthemia, constant anxiety, depression, feelings of worthlessness, thoughts about suicide. I’ve never had a girlfriend or any serious romantic relationship. And yes I did made a decision and do all the research you did and I found the exact cocktail you did and I was pretty close to trying to catch the bus too. The only reason I didn’t try was the thought of what it would do to my family and the one or two people I considered my friends. So suffice to say I think I know what you’re going though.

    The thing is that I’m getting better. I used to be house-bound, like 24×7. Just checking the mail was a serious task for me and made me very stressed out and tired. The minute I go into my driveway I feel like everyone in the neighbourhood is looking at me, automatically tuned in to all my thoughts criticizing everything about me like my pants are too short or my legs are too skinny. I was isolated, cut off from everybody and everything – a prisoner in my own head. I’d forgotten what it was like to just talk on the phone normally or hang out with somebody.

    But I’m getting better. Now I can go for a walk in my town. I can stop in a store for a few things. One day recently I passed a church having evening service. I stood outside and listened to them sing. I didn’t feel like everybody was watching me and moreso I didn’t care what anybody thought of me. Another time I got into a bus and as I was getting into my seat I whacked my head on one of the newfangled LCD screens they have in some buses now. Normally I would have been mortified and spent the rest of the trip feeling as if everybody was staring and laughing at me. But all I thought about was which %#@!^$ public servant had decided putting screens so close above the seats was a good idea. On the same bus I was staring at a girl with blue-dyed braids the whole time and it was only after I got off at my stop that I realized that I had thought very little about what the other people in the bus were thinking about me, which is fine because nobody on the bus even noticed me; I was just another normal commuter.

    Here’s the thing – I thought I was done. I thought my brain and mind were damaged and twisted and torn up and ground down beyond repair. I was sure that all the things I had lost – friends, girlfriends, academics, sports, career, youth, even just plain simple peace-of-mind were gone forever and I’d never get them back. I thought I’d never get back the 20 years I lost to this disease. But I was wrong. I am getting better. And seriously Nick, if I can get better then ANYBODY with Social Phobia can get better. Because I’ve had it just as bad, if not worse and just as long as other people with it.

    First thing – you need medication. There are multiple things that are wrong with your brain – this is why you have this complex set of symptoms. If your doctors tell you therapy/CBT alone can cure you – find another set of people to look after you. They don’t know what the heck they are talking about. The part of your brain responsible for rewarding you with good feelings from studying or reading or playing or interacting with people called the hippocampus has atrophied and needs repair. A part of your brain called the amygalda which is where your anxious responses originate has become oversensitive and enlarged. Plus all your stress reaction subsystems – like a part of your physiology called the HPA axis – are completely screwed up, leading you to feel hyperaware and tense when interacting with people and practically all the time. The levels of stress hormones like cortisol in your body are way too high. You absolutely need medication to correct these problems. You have majorly screwed autonomic reactions to things like people observing you or being out in public. It’s sort of like getting hit with a football to the face and afterwards your body just reacts when someone does a long kick near you – you automatically turn away. This response isn’t something you can control. You brain has become physically attuned to expect danger and attack whenever you are around people and you ABSOLUTELY NEED medication to fix it.

    The big problem is that for social phobia most meds are rubbish. The only ones that have been shown to have a good chance of working for SP are:
    MAOIs – Nardil usually or sometimes Parnate.
    Benzos – usually Klonopin (clonazepam) or Xanax(alprozalam).

    Some SSRIs like Paxil and Lexapro and Zoloft have had limited success but not close to what Nardil. Ditto some antipsychotics like Risperdal and Dogmatil. Xanax felt like a miracle the first time I took it but it hurt me in the long-run. Getting off benzos was really, really hard and to this day I think some of my physical symptoms like shakiness and sweating are worse because of them. That’s not to say that most benzos – Xanax and Klonopin and Ativan et.al – aren’t very effective in the short-term for SP and if you’re in considerable distress then they may be a good option. But I don’t believe in them for the long-term and they can adversely affect other meds and worsen your andhedonia and apathy. But if you’re in a lot pain and absolutely need to function then they are fine to use in the short-term; you ARE NOT going to be hooked on or abuse benzos if you have a genuine anxiety problem, especially SP. If your doctor doesn’t understand this then find another one who does.

    The thing is I’ve found success with a combination of meds that don’t seem to work on their own but combined and at the right dosage appear to be working synergistically and reversing the changes to my brain. I’m taking three medications in combination which have dramatically improved my social phobia: One is called amitriptyline which I guess you’re pretty familar with. The 2nd is called tianeptine – brand name Stablon. The third is risperidone – brand ame Risperdal. I know all three are available in the UK and are relatively cheap. It took me a long time to get the dosage combination because, for me at least, the effects of these meds are very dose dependent. Right now I take 200mg of amitriptyline 12.5 mg of tianeptine and 1mg of Risperdal, all at night before bed. The difference between these meds and all the others is that these meds have significant neurotrophic properties – they actually heal, protect and stimulate growth of parts of the brain. I really don’t know enough about this theoretical stuff, but the prevailing neurotransmitter levels theory of depression is just one theory and may not be correct. Another theory is that depression and social anxiety are actually due to damage and atrophy of key brain structures like I described. These meds may help reverse these negative changes. I don’t know how they work but the point is they do work on my social phobia which has been very stubborn and treatment-resistant for a very long time. I went through a ton of meds that didn’t work but the point is I finally found these and I am getting better.

    What you’re going through as a form of PTSD – the same thing soldiers get when exposed to prolonged stress without rest. I know you might cross an intersection and feel like all the people in all the cars are looking at you and you’re constantly expecting to be jeered at or humiliated. I know this can happen like a dozen times a day in different situations. But it’s the same for many people who come back from war who sit in their house all day with a rifle waiting for the enemy to ambush them. It’s exactly the same thing. You were placed in a situation (school) you could not escape from and subjected to extreme stress and danger for a long time. And now in practically every social situation in life every sense in your body is expecting at anytime to be ridiculed or humiliated. The reason for your extreme paranoia and anxiety is that your brain is constantly expecting attack, even in a situation where you rationally know none is to be expected. The problem is that your brain is damaged – not as in you’re less intelligent – but it’s become abnormally habituated to and expectant of stress and attack. It’s not dissimilar to other phobias, really, but the thing is people can go through most of the day without getting into small spaces or interacting with spiders. Social phobia is like having arachnaphobia and living in a house full of spiders. People with other phobias like
    agoraphobia are similarly disabled but these fears don’t have to do with other people per se, so they can still function at a moderate level. Social phobia is probably the most difficult phobia to manage because it affects your entire life. I mean people are automatically tuned to give and receive love from other people and much of what we find gratifying in life has to do with this, so it is extremely distressing when we are cut off from other people because of social phobia and can lead to feelings of worthlessness and suicidal ideation.

    Yes it is true the distinction between brain/mind is fluid, and yes in principle therapy could fix your brain. But in my experience this is almost impossible.
    So 2nd thing – you absolutely need to find both a medical practitioner and a psychotherapist who understands how to treat your condition and actually cares about you. I know how regimented healthcare is in the UK and you don’t have much control over who you see. But it’s absolutely vital you find people who can really help you. It could be just a GP or a school counselor. Just somebody who’ll listen to you. A lot of doctors have this feeling: look in the textbook it says you have anxiety and depression and I’m giving you SSRIs for it if they don’t work then it’s not my fault or maybe you’re not really sick or you’re uncurable. You must stay away from doctors like that. As far as psychotherapy goes – it’s not just that you’re gonna go back to when you’re a child or whatever. It’s sort of like, well, let’s say you’re working out a complicated proof for a math theorem and you’re stuck. You need to talk to somebody more experienced than you to help you see where you’ve gone wrong. Social phobia arises out of deeply buried issues surrounding shame. Together with the meds you have to open up to somebody about all the bad things inside your head. Again, it doesn’t have to be a trained person, just somebody who genuinely cares about you.

    3rd thing: You have to learn how to heal. Mental illness is not a cold. You’re not going to wake up one morning, unfortunately, and feel better and start living again after twenty years of it. It will take years to recover. And you have to be realistic as to what you can do before you’re well. Like I know if maybe it hadn’t been for the pressure of school, you might not have made an attempt on your life. The thing is there’s no rush to finish school – you have to take things at your own pace. You’re still very young and you have a huge amount of time to do the things you want. School is extremely stressful on the social phobic – just going to classes every day made me absolutely exhausted. What I’d recommend is that you put school on pause till you get better and find a job where you can work from home, so basically you can build your confidence in doing day-to-day work. If you’re into computer programming then it’s an excellent field to get into as you can work from home many days and telecommute and you can even freelance and pick the jobs you want to work. You also need to get your family involved. You need as many people in your corner as possible to fight this thing. There’s no shame in talking about this fully and openly with people who care for you (I know it’s vastly easier than it sounds and I still have to be frank and open with my family on how much this thing affects me.)

    And here’s the 4th thing: you have to recognize that you’re a very special person. The reason you have SP is because your mind works in a certain way. If you weren’t unfortunate enough to develop SP at this age you’d probably be working as a scientist in computers or mathematics. It’s not coincdence that literally every famous mathematician or scientists – people like Alan Turing or John Nash – developed symptoms of mental illness at some age. A lot of science- and math- inclined people get paranoid delusions or obsessions. It’s just in your case it manifested itself at this age in this way. But you’ve got a long life to live. I think you’ve realized by now how hard it is in the modern world to actually take your own life. And EVERYBODY goes through a long period of bad times in their life – be it at 20 or at 30 or 60. I mean Star Wars is my favourite movie and you know how out of the darkest times the best things happen. Seriously, you will get back everything you’ve lost or was taken away. I don’t know how or where it will happen but it will happen. It happened to me and I still don’t believe it. But we’re still the same people inside like when we were young. Once this disease starts to remit you’ll find yourself feeling things you had forgotten.

    One important thing you have to realize is that you’re not a coward. You may think you are but you’re not. You’re actually pretty strong. Most people wouldn’t be able to handle this disease the way you have. And here’s the most important thing – you are a good person. Some of the people who bullied you decided the best way to deal with their own low self-esteem and abuse by other people was to turn it on others. But you’re not like that. Even when you decided to end it all you were stil concerned about the people you cared about. There’s a huge amount of evil in this world and it spreads like a virus but you decided not to spread it – that’s really the best decision you ever made. I don’t know what you believe in and of course that decision is up to you. But I’m just saying – what do you have to lose? I got to a point where, like you, I was at rock bottom. Nothing helped – not the meds, not therapy, not other people. I wanted to die, quite simply. But I had nothing to lose so, you know what, I prayed and I asked God to help me. And it helped – a lot.You’re not going to turn into some automaton blindly following some ancient anachronistic rules. I was really afraid religion would change me, but it didn’t. Well it did, but only in one small thing. It made me believe that there’s a reason that we go through these things; a reason that we suffer. It is true that after we pass through difficult times we look back and realize how much stronger we became because of what we went through. And I couldn’t believe it when I started to earn back some things I thought were gone forever.

    The main argument I had about religion was that it’s not rooted in reality – it’s just something that makes you feel good. But I mean the truth is every Friday millions of people go to the pubs and clubs and drink alcohol and pretend just for a few hours to be somebody they’re not and that life is a lot easier than it is. Same reason people go to watch Keira Knightly and Hugh Grant every month. Everybody, everywhere is looking for an escape, something to take the pain of living away, something to give them back belief in themselves. If you believe in God and it’s just a fantasy, then so what? I don’t think you’re much different from most.

    Anyway this is pretty pretty long… but I just wanted to let you know that you can get better and the steps you can take. Also I’d like to extend an invitation to join a mental-health and psych meds forum called Psycho-Babble. http://www.dr-bob.org/babble. It’s a pretty cool place with a lot of good caring people who have gone through the same things we have and are also struggling to get better. Most of the stuff I learned about mental illness and psych meds I learned here and this site is the major reason I’m making progress against my social phobia. My nick there is hyperfocus. The thing about dealing with any mental illness is that for treatment-resistant cases like ours, you need basically to take your treatment into your own hands. You can’t rely on the doctors because every day some new drug is coming out or some new combination is discovered that is successful and a lot of doctors just aren’t interested in keeping up with the pace. But there are too many drugs and treatments out there for you not to find a solution that works for you. And well I know it’s been a long hard journey, but I know there’s still things you take pleasure in and people you care about. So just hold on to those things and hope. Hope is like the quintessential human emotion you know? There’s probably like millions of people all over the world imprisoned unfairly for something they didn’t do, just hoping to get out one day. So you’re not alone in your suffering, if that’s any consolation. And I think after this ordeal you’re going to be a much stronger person with a good sense of what the right things in life are.


    • Hyperfocus, thank you for writing such a helpful and encouraging comment, I want you to know I really appreciate it. I’m sorry you have been through all those things but I’m glad to hear you’re making progress.

      I should really update this blog more, things are different now and I’m not so severely depressed since I’ve been taking sertraline (Zoloft) but then I haven’t really moved on much either. It’s hard to think about seeing therapists and all that stuff again because I’ve had such problems actually finding someone helpful. The person who they kept wanting me to see made me feel very uncomfortable and there was no way he was going to be able to help so I just stopped keeping in contact with them.

      Sorry this is not really much of a response but I’m really tired right now, still having big problems sleeping unfortunately :/


  15. Hi Nick. I’ve been reading your blog for about the past 4 years or so, but never commented before. Like you, I suffer from severe SA, depression and suicidal thoughts. I have come very close to taking my own life on two occasions. I can relate to a lot of what you’ve mentioned on this blog. Like you, I was bullied relentlessly in school, and this is something which has left a profound and lasting impact on my life and the way I see others. Those awful memories play back in my head like a film reel, and I can’t escape them. I cannot relate to others my age at all – I always feel that they’re judging me in a negative manner. I’ve always been an outcast and never felt like I belong anywhere. This is my first year of university, and I’ve already had a breakdown and a close call with regards to suicide. I’ve missed so many classes due to anxiety and depression. I doubt I will ever be able to function in this society because of how messed up I am. I’m even incredibly anxious about leaving this response, because I can’t express myself very well at the moment, and for fear of what people reading it might think.

    I just wanted to say that I think you are extraordinarily brave and strong for surviving this hell for long with so little support. I think it’s amazing that you’ve been able to get this far through university despite your overwhelming anxiety and depression, and I wish you all the best in your final year. You write very eloquently, and your blog is probably the best I’ve seen with regards to social anxiety.

    Thanks for following my old blog, by the way. I haven’t updated it in almost a year, and never really posted very often, but I may make a new one soon, which will hopefully be better than the last.

    Please stay strong and keep fighting. I really hope things get better for you. You are clearly of high intelligence; I think you could do very well in a computing related career, SA or no SA. You deserve the chance to be both successful and happy – you’ve had enough misery and loneliness for anyone. Good luck, and keep blogging and letting us know how you are doing.


    • Hi Gemma, thank you for the comment. I’m really sorry to hear you have the same kind of problems as me. I hope things are going ok for you at university and your first year is almost over now so you’ll have a break soon 🙂

      I understand what you mean about worrying about leaving replies on websites, right at the start of this blog I wrote about how I used to worry about the same thing and would never get involved in any online discussions because I was afraid of being judged for what I wrote.

      Thanks for your kind words, I don’t feel like I’ve been especially brave or strong but I’ve tried my best this year to get things back on track. I have a lot of support from my family and a couple of people I know online, as well as readers who write to me as well, which does encourage me.

      I’m going to write a new post soon and I apologise for not responding to your comment earlier but it has been dissertation time and I’ve been mentally exhausted from all the writing required for that!


  16. Hey,

    I came across your blog by searching ‘Social Anxiety WordPress’ on google. I’ve recently started blogging about anxiety, social anxiety and a journey to self improvement and I wanted to find other blogs like my own.

    I’ve read a couple of your posts and from what I’ve seen you’re quite an interesting chap. I look forward to reading more of your posts. I’m also from the UK and in my twenties. If you feel like it then follow my blog, although I’m just getting started with this thing so don’t expect anything of quality… Mainly just whinging and rambling.

    Anyway, hope to see more of you soon.



  17. Learning to breathe properly is also essential to learning how to control your anxiety attacks.
    The feeling of anxiety motivates that person to
    start actively seeking employment. Spontaneous panic attacks haappen without warning and are
    not associated to any external catalysts.


  18. Hannah

    Hi Nick,
    I’ve just discovered your blog and, as many people say, I feel like I could have written these words myself. You’re a great writer and I wish you could see the power you hold with this blog. Your last post was a couple months ago – I hope you continue to write.


  19. J

    Hi Nick,

    I’ve just come across your blog through a SAD site I came across while I was looking for answers. I always just thought I was ‘shy’ but in the back of my mind I knew there was something different, something more to it. I have no idea where I’m going to go from here as everything is so difficult, new things more than most. But your posts could have come from me. I’ve been lucky in that Ive a very supporting family (non of which know how little I value myself) its because of them I’ve tried to fight, and well just about keep my head above the water. But its a struggle, Ive come close a lot of times to just stopping trying.

    I saw a counsellor for a while, which helped, but then when I thought things were ok I fell like a stone. I can act the part when I have to although its exhausting and well no one ever see’s me. Well those that I try to get close to I push until things break I have no ‘real’ friends just people I work with. But the person at work is not me, he’s a mask I have to wear because thats what the world needs to see.

    The bit about feeling 10+ years behind everyone else your age is exactly how I feel and its how I described it to my counsellor way back, its like my life stalled at 14 and I never had the confidence anything I really wanted to do. I still feel that its too late for me to move forward with the things I’ve missed out on, that I’ll never be a complete person…

    Anyway I hope things are going better for you now, Ive been promising myself that I’ll make a change, talk to someone, maybe I will. I hope this year brings you some sense of calm mate.


    Liked by 1 person

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    [b]SocPlugin 4.0.34 – most effective software for spam in FB, etc.[/b]


    [b][color=green]+ absolutely automatic captcha breaking
    + supports 4 most popular social networks, included Facebook
    + intellectual auto-dialogue system[/b][/color]
    + profile collect can be made by parameters, from groups, from list of friends, recursive
    + save / load profiles lists in TXT and XML
    + collecting of video by parameters, for future commenting
    + automatic action at log in: accept / decline invites to groups or friends, automatic change of status
    + filter of profile list by parameters set by user
    + mass sending of personal messages with breaking of all captchas
    + automatic invite to groups
    + automatic invite to friends
    + automatically pressing “Like” and ratting photo with “5” and “5+”
    + automatic grabbing of profiles content and photos
    + commenting photos and video
    + support of variations and macros
    + automatic checking of profile list
    + automatic fulfil of own accounts with personal information and photos
    + full automation of actions
    + more other options!

    [b]Free demo-version available.[/b]
    [i]Interested? Just Google for “SocPlugin” ;)[/i]


  21. My friend and I went camping the other day. It was a tiring experience, as he wouldn’t let me sleep all night. He kept talking about random subjects and complained about his insomnia. I totally told him to buy Imovane and deal with it.


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