I made a list of things that I wanted to try and get done this past week, it was mostly small things that I kept putting off for one reason or another like replying to some message that I was nervous about reading etc. I managed to get a few of them done but I’m still left with a few that are very difficult. I am not in a great situation financially and there is a bank account that I opened while at university pretty much only because it came with a free railcard and I was taking the train a lot at the time. Anyway, this account was overdrawn by a small amount and I tried to get it back in credit and just leave some money in there so they didn’t bother me but somehow it got charged again even though I wasn’t overdrawn so now it’d back in debt again. I really need to phone up and get it sorted out but I hate using the phone, especially for things like this where I am going to have to give them loads of information and I just can’t face it. There is another thing that I need to phone up and cancel because it’s costing me £20 every few months, which I can hardly afford but it’s so daunting to me that I have just left it for well over a year…
There are so many ways in which being this way has cost me huge amounts of money. The most obvious is having a degree which is supposedly in demand but not being able to do anything with it. Even if I could call my old workplace up and face going back there, I was still only getting just over minimum wage. I dropped out of university and going back ended up putting me into way more debt than everyone else my age.
One of the more pressing things I want to try and accomplish this week is something I have been trying to do for like 2 years now and get back to the doctor. I just find it so hard going back there, I can’t really explain all the reasons why. I am scared of them telling me I can’t go back on the medication I was on, the only one which worked. I am scared that even if I do, it won’t work this time. I am scared of everything about calling them to make the appointment, going there, talking to the doctor, telling them everything all over again, what they might make me do regarding mental health workers etc. I can’t go on like I have been for the last few years though. It’s getting too much to try and handle alone.
4 thoughts on “Getting Things Done”
This a positive step. I always feel better when I make a list and I’m able to tick things off. Tidy house tidy mind so to speak. Though I know what you mean about not being able to bring yourself to do certain things. I havnt been to the dentist in years yet I’ll sit and stress myself to bits worrying about what damage this is causing.
I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. I think the cause of my severe social phobia is childhood neglect and bullying (and having a narcissistic single mother.) If you don’t get the support you need when you’re young, it’s so hard to figure out how to find the confidence and courage to face the challenges of life. I hide away a lot. But I didn’t mean this to be all about me – I’m just awkward starting conversations.
One tactic I use a LOT with dealing with people or banks, etc., is to write letters or send emails. I try to put all the information in the letter, explanations, etc., and then if they do contact me back, hopefully by mail or email but I do put my phone number there if it’s important – at least I don’t have to do as much explaining because they’ll have the information in written form.
As to job applications, I really suck at that! But I’ve always gone through agencies that handle employment and I always worked at low-level clerk type jobs where there wasn’t a lot of concern about high-stakes interviews and that sort of thing. But as life as gone on, I came up with a plan of “planning to fail” and working so hard on contingency plans on what I would do after the inevitable fail, that I was able to try to get a job – but only keeping my expectations extremely low. Otherwise, I’d never be able to force myself out the door.
And with doctors/dentists, oh mercy! Some are so nice and others are horrible! You just never know. And I understand your concerns that you might not even get the treatment you know you need (the same meds.) Is there any way you can order that med online? I’ve done that a lot and have so far been able to find what I needed and get in sent in the post – and the internet is a great place to self-diagnose. But with that, when I’m really scared, I just try to dissociate from myself and go through the motions, maybe thinking through a movie or a television show or a book – imagining every detail I can, so that I don’t start THINKING about everything that might go wrong. Anything to get out of myself – that helps with the necessities, like going to the doctor.
I wish you well and will check back to see how it’s going. Good luck!!
Thank you for the comment. I’m sorry to hear you had such a tough childhood 😦 I might try sending a letter, but I’m not sure if they will need to contact me on the phone anyway or if I get no reply I won’t know whether anything’s being done about it.
I don’t really want to take the medication without a prescription. Sad to say I have done it before with others but it’s not always easy to find somewhere trustworthy and I don’t want to be stuck without them because SSRI withdrawals are quite unpleasant.
Thanks for your advice and encouragement.
Nick, you don’t have to be like this! I had been social phobic all my life up until I decided to go to cbt therapist when I was 27. My therapy lasted for a year and although it didn’t free from the anxiety at the time, it had put me on a path of recovery that took 2,5 years, And at the end of that period I was a changed man! I took no pills – it was just the therapy at the beginning, then a change of work environment, slowly opening up to simple interactions with people that did finally work. All that time, the anxiety was with me, but I never gave up, and with time it was weaker and weaker, until it disappeared.
I hope you’ll have the strength to go through the hard work of therapy and facing all the situations that you fear the most, because if you do, you are going to be a happy, sociable person just as I am right now 🙂