A police negotiator has told a Derby inquest how he tried to talk a teenager down from a car park while onlookers goaded him to jump.
Shaun Dykes, 17, from Kilburn, Derbyshire, died in a fall from the sixth-floor roof of the Westfield shopping centre in September 2008.
Det Insp Barry Thacker said shouts from the crowd below distracted them on a number of occasions.
Bystanders were yelling “jump” and “get on with it”, the inquest heard.
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At one point the negotiator stretched his arms out to Shaun to try to persuade him to come away from the ledge to talk things over.
But as Shaun bent down to take his hand, a voice from the crowd shouted: “You’re wasting taxpayers’ money,” the inquest was told. The teenager then pulled back from the officer, saying: “No, it’s gone too far.” A short time later he jumped, Mr Thacker said.
This pretty much confirms my view of most of humanity. I would seriously not be surprised if they took videos of it on their phones and posted it on Youtube. Sounds good for a laugh.
I will make sure no-one sees me if I go that way.
The Social Phobic 
Another damn good reason why the world needs you in it Nick. If you don’t hang about then that levels up the scoreboards in favour of those cretins in the above article. Stay in this life and be one of the ones who fights back.
Lola x
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I don’t have social anxiety but I have had severe depression for most of my life, and I identify with a lot of your feelings — no friends, can’t get out of your room, seeing people slower than you in school go and achieve things. If you’d like someone to e-mail, please feel free to contact me.
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those people are evil! that was a terrible thing that they did. i wonder how they feel knowing that a young life was cut short because they encouraged him? i read the article and it seems the negotiator was making progress until the taunting became too much for the young man.
evil, i tell u!
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Hi there,
I hope that you wont mind me jumping on board, but I found your blog through Lola.
Although I don’t really know what to say to comfort you in any way, I am really sad to hear how things are for you just now.
I know people keep telling you to ‘hang in there’ but honestly, I think it’s the only advise to give!
From 2000 – 2007 I lived as a virtual recluse. Going out *only* for vital appointments such as the GP, CPN, Psychiatrist and Dentist, etc. For weeks on end, I couldn’t even face going into the front garden. We had new neighbours move in, and it wasn’t all almost 2 years later that they first saw me outside! LOL.
However, for the last year or so, I have, somehow, managed to turn my life around. It’s not been easy, and I still find myself slipping back into old, bad, habits but, all in all, I can’t tell you how much my life has changed.
I now go out walking the dogs twice a day. And, I’m even brave enough take a trip into town alone. Aside from that, I’ve enrolled myself in some various courses over the last few months. Numeracy, Cake Decorating and an IT course to name but a few.
I know. It probably doesn’t sound much to some people, but trust me, this is a HUGE achievement for me.
I gave up ALL hope of every leading a worthwhile life before it was too late but, gradually, I am slowly getting back on my feet again…
Sorry. Didn’t mean to go on quite-so long there!
As simple as it sounds, just try and take it one day at a time. Huh?
Linds x
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Hi I don’t mind at all, anyone can comment 🙂
Thanks, I know it’s difficult to know what to say to people are depressed and I appreciate your sympathy.
I’m really sorry to hear you were a recluse 😦 I was like that for 6 months in 2003 and almost all of 2007. I only went out for the rare job interviews that I got (and failed miserably).
It’s good to hear that you are making positive steps and are moving on. I realise what a big achievement that must be!
I am trying to keep at least a little hope alive that things will improve. I have managed to get back to university 5 years after I dropped out because of anxiety, but it’s the social aspect of things that seem like they will be impossible for me to improve on.
I just feel like it’s too late for all that now. A lot of people go back to university (there are quite a few people older than me on the course) but hardly any get to this stage in life being such a social wreck as me, with absolutely no friends or experience of friendship or relationships 😦
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If only you were able to interact with people as well as you are able to write down your thoughts and feelings, huh?
You are obviously a very intelligent guy. You just, somehow, need to build your confidence in social situations. Not easy, I know…
And hey, I wouldn’t say that you didn’t have any friends 😉
*Virtual* friendship may not be ideal but, hey, it’s a start!
Trust me, if there’s hope for me – there’s hope for ANYONE.
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They say write what you know, and there’s nothing I know better than self pity and misery 😉 so maybe that accounts for it. Thank you for the complement though.
I do have friends online, and I’ve met a couple of them before but they are so far away and it’s not the same as having someone you can see regularly and go places with *sigh*.
Well I don’t know much about you (I’m going to give you blog a read in a minute though 😛 ) but you’d have to be pretty bad to be as hopeless as me. Not knowing how to start and maintain conversations is only part of my problem, the other part is that I’m so frighteningly boring. I really have nothing to talk about. My appearance and general awkwardness in how I act is a huge barrier too, since I’m always self conscious about it and it makes people feel uncomfortable.
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I guess the tricky bit is plucking up the courage to take some risks, not easy if you are depressed, but you have to try and work out what’s the worst thing that can happen? The person doesn’t want to be your friend, maybe? But if you don’t talk to them the result is the same.
I guess it’s admitting that you aren’t ever going to just wake up one day and know how to do this stuff. Well you might, but it’s unlikely. That’s why depression is self perptuating, i’m sure you’ve noticed the more you cut yourself off, the more introverted you become, the easier it is just to project your own feelings onto others, but because you never ask, there is nothing to prove you wrong, essentially digging a deeper and deeper hole. I mean when did you last ask someone if they thought you were boring?
And even if you don’t have stories to tell, and hobbies to share, that doesn’t mean you can’t find out about other peoples.
I’m crap at the getting to know you phase, and small talk? Get out, I can’t ever find the words. But I’ll Let you into my top secret, if you commonly find yourself not being able to engage with another person, just ask questions. Get them on a topic they like talking about, and job done. It breaks the ice wonderfully, and most people love a chance to show that they are knowledgeble!
I know this all sounds trivial stuff, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that it all looks scary because it’s unknown territory, that’s why you have to get a list of small things together, and work you way up.
Lola x
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Thanks Lola, I do appreciate your advice and I know this will sound like I’m just making excuses… I realise that I’ll never wake up and know things, that’s what depresses me. I know that things will probably never change, and if they were going to then they would have by now. I have asked someone if I was boring before, but it’s a pointless exercise because unless they actively dislike you, they will just be polite and say no.
I don’t know how anyone can not find me boring. There’s nothing to like about me. I don’t go anywhere or do anything or know anyone. I am so scared of being criticised that I can’t even express an opinion. I hate being asked things like “what kind of music do you like?” because I never know what to say. This is so bad that I will over analyse every question to a level that’s hard to imagine to avoid giving away any personal opinion or something I could be criticised about either to my face or behind my back.
I know what you mean about getting people to talk about themselves, but that’s only as far as I ever get and people notice if you never contribute anything to the conversations. I used to get picked on at work all the time because I never talked about anything, just tried that old trick.
I’m useless at small talk but it doesn’t even matter because I am never in a situation where I get to talk to anyone new anyway. I can’t relate to anyone here because they are always out drinking and clubbing and I can’t stand that.
It really is difficult to describe just how bad and awkward I am in person, it’s not just that I don’t know what to say. I exude awkwardness, I am always worried and feel guilty about inflicting myself on the person I talk to, I feel bad for them having to be near me. I constantly worry that they are laughing to themselves about my hideous appearance or how incredibly dull and lifeless I am.
Even if I could think of things to say, I wouldn’t know where to start in life. It’s too late for me.
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It’s not too late. It is never too late for anyone. Things can get better for you Nick. Really. You DESERVE better, there is so much on the other side of this for you, I understand that is hard to believe where you are now, I really do, but why would I lie to you? I don’t know you from a bar of soap, but I recognise so much of your hopelessness. It’s a feeling not a reality.
I hope I’m not just describing the water that you are drowning in here, because I know that’s not helpful to anyone. It’s just so frustrating to watch someone with so much to them, be so down on themselves.
Lola x
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Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment but I don’t really agree. I’m really sorry to hear you felt hopeless too, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone 😦 did you feel hopeful before though? Did you have a life before? If I had ever done anything worthwhile in my life or been happy, then I might have a glimmer of hope that things could return to that way, but I haven’t. Maybe I can improve a little bit, but how long will it take? This is from an older post I wrote:
I don’t think you’d lie to me, but I don’t think you’re horrible enough to say that I’m a lost cause either, even if you did think that.
If I had started trying to improve when I was at school then I might have had a chance but it’s far too late to start now. Describing how difficult it is having no social skills or idea of just how to be around people makes it hard to explain why. Imagine you were an alien who’d just arrived here, that’s pretty much what I feel like around people.
You aren’t being unhelpful Lola, I just don’t feel the same way. I’m not sure why you would say there is so much to me, one of the main reasons that I find it impossible to talk to people is because I’m like an empty shell of a person. No experiences, no interesting things to speak about, no friends, no nothing. All I can do is complain.
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I was googling for social fobia because I have an internet friend who is suffering from it.
Reading your posts was as if I was talking to him.
The same feelings, same depression problems…everything.
From time to time I feel at complete loss with him.
It’s so hard to maintain a friendship because it makes me feel unappreciated, unwanted and general pain in the ass at certain moments.
I try to do the best I can to remind myself that things I do spontaneously are something were stressful in his world and that the simple fact we talk on almost daily basis (well I talk he types) is a sign he likes having me in his life.
I have zero intentions of abandoning him since I highly respect him as my friend and have a good opinion on him.
Reading your blog helped a lot because you were more expressive in explaining how you feel opposed to him and it made me realise that it’s not him not caring but him being unable to show it.
I also want to say to you that it’s really great you seek treatment for it.
I wish he would do the same.
Thank you for helping me to understand it better and to find more compassion in me to deal with another obstacle I encountered with him.
Hoping I am important in his life is the thing that keeps me going as his friend.
I wish you all the luck.
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Hey Nick. Thanks for the happy new year message. I have been away for ages and only just caught up with your blog. I’m glad you’re still here and writing. You know I am making so many ‘virtual friends’ now I think it means a lot. I know I;m not in the same situation as you, but just remember that a lot of people online will really treasure the virtual friendships they make. It means a lot to me, as I am finding it increasingly hard to really make new friends too. I don’t know what else to say but keep writing and you will always have something interesting to say.
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Thanks Penny. I do treasure my online friendships, but I can’t help but think that is all I will ever have. That I can only connect with people who already know the worst about me so I have nothing more to hide from them. I don’t think anyone I met in real life could accept how messed up I am.
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There’s no way I can tell my real-life friends how I really am either. It makes me sad, because it does make me wonder how close they really are as friends. You are so honest in your blog, which has to be a good thing. I am honest online too, although I don’t even open up completely online sometimes. I guess it has to be a lot better than keeping it bottled up? And I guess the people who become friends online wouldn’t bother if they weren’t open minded and understanding. It gives us a chance to meet more of those open-minded people than we would be able in real life.
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