I’ve been arguing with my family again; I don’t know how they can ignore the fact that I am not the kind of person people want to know or be friends with, despite all the evidence that supports it. I know it’s hard for them to know what to do, deep down I think they know I am a weirdo and people won’t want to know me, but they don’t know what to do about it so they just keep lying to themselves and me.

People can’t read minds, all they know about you is what you say to them and I can’t say anything. I am totally useless at communicating with people in person. The only reason I have any of my online friends is because we spoke online first. For someone who only spoke to me in real life, I might as well be a robot because I can’t and don’t give anything away about myself.

I have no idea what a person who has no friends or acquaintances can do to make friends here, I’ve tried the clubs/socieites but people already have friends there. I don’t think there is anything, everyone else already knows people so they can go places together and not look weird. Nobody wants a creepy loner to come up to them, especially someone as socially awkward as me, that is a fact that has been proven by my experiences over and over again.

I don’t know whether it’s because I just started the higher dose of my meds and it can have this effect but I really feel slashing my wrists at the moment.


8 thoughts on “Loner

  1. Anon

    Don’t give up, you’re important. You’re also certainly not the only one going through difficult experiences recently with starting university – I also started about a month ago and have had almost exactly the same experience you have – from the difficulty approaching and socialising with groups of people that seem to have almost instantly (!) made friendships, the walks home alone (as usual), and sometimes just generally avoiding people due to it being too emotionally tiring to interact.
    It’s tough, but please don’t give up on your life. Keep fighting the power.


  2. uncensoredmind

    please be strong. you had some good experiences initially. i try to be an optimist, so i will give a humble opinion … if at all possible, u should try to give ur social situations a positive spin when imagining them. i think that when u imagine the bad things its like they become self-fulfilling. maybe u should try imaging that u will be good at it, bit by bit. for example, the film night …. maybe ur first personal goal could have been to go and introduce urself to everyone there. results wouldnt be instant but u would have done something great for urself … u would have allowed urself to be vulnerable and u would have been open in a social situation. the results could have been that they’d respond favourably and try to know more about u or they’d interact with u for a bit then go back to their business or they could ignore u. if u focus on the last possibility then u’d have defeated urself before u started, but by focusing on the positive u draw that energy to u. and ud be more likely to get positive results.

    there is a book called the secret and basically it says that if u want positive things to happen and for u to achieve all ur dreams you have to attract and keep positive energy all around you. positive energy/thoughts/actions = positive results.

    Nick, please be strong, you are making progress bit by bit. keep fighting and doing well.


  3. Hey Nick, I’m really sorry it’s been getting worse for you. I understand what you mean about everyone already knowing people, that’s how I often felt at uni and it makes it all the more difficult to even think about striking up conversations. Weirdly for me I fell into a good group of friends after the first year, I don’t know how it happened but it just shows it can take a while to find the people you really want to know. But at the same time, it seems like you really want to work hard with your lectures and stuff too which is really good so you are still achieving a lot. I hope you start to feel a bit better soon, and really hope you stick at it 🙂


  4. hya nick wot uni u at plz say coventry i feel 4 u in the same way b cus i also feel like a robot in social situations scary stuff really i just approached ppl hu look like losers easy that way. but seriously check cus i saw the word robot and thought thats me crazy to find other ppl that feel this was but i found it was called anxiety and it can come over you in waves of depression have u had any um theropy or nething im concidering it i found something called cognitive thinking or summit neway its phyciological exercises if you want a link just email me


  5. Arjun

    I’m lonely too – extremely lonely. But your post is so negative about yourself: “I am a failure”, “I’m no good in social situations”, “I’m awkward and a creepy loner no one wants around”. I think the first thing that might help you is to tell your own mind positive things about yourself dealing with other people. Things like “I’m great company for people”, “I am very confident and easygoing in social situations”. It’ll take time to sink into your subconscious and for your wakeful thought patterns to change, but the way your posts are going, you’re telling your own mind that it’s no good, how do you expect it to act differently?


  6. Nick

    I can’t lie to myself.

    you’re telling your own mind that it’s no good, how do you expect it to act differently?

    I don’t any more.


  7. paulyn

    you know what, you really have to do your best to win friends..you should be socially healthy..cause it’s hard dealing with problems alone..be proud and don’t be shy..it’s a part of life..as they told me..nobody lives in an island alone..always take care…


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