Just had the visit from 2 crisis team workers that I wrote about earlier. It wasn’t too bad, I said and heard a lot of things that I have done before and now I can’t help but feel I have wasted their time. I could’ve done with talking to them a couple of weeks ago really when I was at my lowest point. It’s probably bad of me, but I held back some of the truth about my suicidal thinking, but then I can’t really describe it properly anyway. I don’t know how everyone else thinks, but for me there is never one consistent mode of thinking or conscious thoughts that can easily be put into words. I don’t sit there and think “I might throw myself off a bridge tonight”, it’s more of an overall feeling that comes in waves.
At the moment I’m not seriously planning anything for the very near future, but those thoughts and feelings are still in the back of my mind. For now I am going to try and last the next week and see how things go at university if I can. It’s probably not knowing how I am going to be received by people that is causing me the most anxiety, after all it is 2 years since I met a new group of people whom I had not spoken to and got to know on the internet first.
The Social Phobic 
I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling better than you were. 🙂 Good luck with university – I’m sure you will manage! When do you start?
Mina
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Thanks Mina 🙂 I move in on the 14th and my lectures start on the 22nd. Not long now!
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oh my goodness … im so very happy for you. you seem a lot more together and im glad ur appointment and visit went well. even though you couldnt get everything out, at least you got to talk about some stuff. i hope ur new meds work. i really do
hun, im sure university is gonna be scary for the first couple of weeks. but PLEASE remember that this is a new beginning for you. if you are confident ppl will percieve you as such; if you are shy people will see u like that and they may be hesitant about approaching you. no matter what … bear in mind that this is the time to make yourself better. by getting ur degree u will be qualified. you can join clubs and societies with people of similar interests. im rambling because im so excited for you!!! 🙂
you’ve done great so far … keep building on that!
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