I think I’ve just about destroyed my friendship with SM. I sent her an email today because I was feeling especially down and I must have gone too far because she was really annoyed (justifiably, I’m a depressing lunatic). I ended up writing back, apologising profusely and I suggested that maybe it’s for the best if I don’t talk to her any more. I feel like our friendship has fallen apart over the last couple of months anyway. She never wants to talk and only says the barest minimum and all I ever do is complain about how bad I’m feeling.
I asked her not to mention my suicidal ideation to my family, she got mad and said that I made her feel trapped and frightened before and that’s why she told my sister without my permission. I feel just awful for being so horrible and dumping all this on her, even though she said many times that she didn’t mind listening. I don’t know what I want to get of talking about it to people, but I feel a tiny bit of relief from it. It’s not worth making other people feel that bad though.
I am a terrible person.
One thought on “*sigh*”
You are not a terrible person. You are brave and courageous for sharing your story and by blogging you are reaching out to people who are better able to help you and understand what you are going through. Sometimes the people in our lives we try to talk to about depression just don’t get it… it’s a hard thing to understand the stigma is huge.
I hope you can find someone to talk to, a support group, a good counsellor, so that one day you will be able to patch things up with this friends and have good news to share with them. When you get to that place, you will be able to truly enjoy each other’s company again.