Failure

23Jul09

I saw the CBT guy again yesterday, we went through the standard stuff that I’ve read a million times about how thoughts and behaviour influence emotions etc and he gave me a mood diary to fill in once an hour for a week. Unfortunately it only has one square for 12pm-6am which is when most […]

Filed under: Social Anxiety   |  34 Comments
Tags: cbt, Depression, mental health, psychiatrist, suicidal, therapy

Hate

19Jul09

I gave up on my plan last week, I was too scared to go through with it and be discovered. I need time alone to make it work. Some people tried to talk me out of it and I felt so guilty that they care about such a useless person as me. I don’t know […]

Filed under: Social Anxiety   |  9 Comments
Tags: Depression, family, overdose, pills, suicide

Psych Appointment

14Jul09

I have the first of my stop-gap psychologist appointments for while I’m back home over the summer today. I really don’t know what to do, I’m an accomplished enough at hiding the truth about how I feel that I could get away without saying anything. The alternative would probably be undesirable. I don’t want to […]

Filed under: Depression, family   |  6 Comments
Tags: mental health, psychologist, suicidal, suicide

Almost 24 hours

13Jul09

and 3 pills in. I feel numb, there is no sense of foreboding. Tomorrow night I’ll have the freedom to do what I’ve wanted for a long time. update: this was originally private

Filed under: Social Anxiety   |  1 Comment

Escape Plan

12Jul09

DISCLAIMER: I am fully aware of how easy I have things as a white, western, straight male with no physical health problems. I feel guilty every day because despite being born into lucky circumstances, I’m still a failure. I know other people have things much, much worse. It’s been a while since I posted properly, […]

Filed under: Depression, Life Story, Social Anxiety   |  5 Comments
Tags: anxiety, Depression, escape, insomnia, medication, overdose, pills, socially inept, suicidal, suicide, worrying